Respected club men W.Priest and N.Womersley produced arguably the most accomplished performance in what is now widely regarded as the most debauched weekend of K.O.L.O. history.

Given the task of writing and delivering a speech for H.Millar and J.Borkowski's 21st, Priest and Womersley excelled under the spotlight and had the admiring audience in stitches with playful digs at the two hosts. W.Priest declared that 'he performed as he wanted to perform' and who can blame him after such a professional display. Indeed, the 'Millar Monthy' described it as a 'very strong speech that the punters hugely enjoyed'. Kind words indeed.

Full transcript below:

(Womersley) Firstly, we would like to thank you for making it here on such a lovely evening. Thank you also to the Millar’s and Borkowski’s for hosting this event. In particular, Hector has been working very hard trying to organize the evening and it really was very kind of him to share his 21st with Jan.

(Priest) Also thank you to Sheepscombe cricket club for allowing the use of the pitch, I’m surprised Hector is willing to show his face back up here after his one run and the dolly of a catch that he dropped yesterday that cost us the match.

(Womersley) We both met Hector and Jan at Beaudesert where they were late arrivals, having to work hard to be accepted into the school’s community. Hector made a solid yet unspectacular start to his Beaudesert career asserting himself as a decent defender and a nimble winger on the rugby pitch. Jan on the other hand entered himself into Beaudesert folklore before he had even joined the school thanks to his extraordinary performance during a trial day in year 3. Those lucky enough to witness it were left that day with a sense of intrigue at what this young spectacled lad may bring to the school. Thankfully he committed and the rest is history.

(Womersley) The greatest achievements of these two at Beaudesert came in very different forms. I’m sure many of you are aware of when Jan became the poster boy for the school with a front cover appearance of the Beaudesert magazine. (bring out magazine). You could be forgiven for thinking this was the start of a very promising career in front of the camera but sadly this hasn’t been the case and Jan has had to resort to delivering pizza and making bread in order to earn a crust, both of which ended in turbulent circumstances. Whereas Hector’s 6C form prize for a positive attitude to school life just eclipsed his missed penalty against Clifton in his final ever football game for the school as his greatest achievement.

(Womersley) In a former publication of the Beaudesert magazine Hector, in one of his more verbose episodes after a wildly popular ‘Viking Day’ in Year 4, was quoted as saying “When Callum and Rowan came they acted like Vikings. They showed us swords, axes, helmets, shields and chainmail armour. Rowan picked 12 girls and showed them how to use shields. Callum charged and broke the line of shields and killed the girls – well I wish he had done – but he just tapped them” Hector there showing an early fear of the opposite sex that has consistently plagued him throughout his later life.

(Womersley) Having left the fine and well-run establishment that is Beaudesert Park School, we all attended different senior schools and it was not until our gap years that we properly reconvened, setting up a hugely successful 5-a-side football team which the power hungry Millar has subsequently appointed himself captain.

(Priest) Ourselves, Jan and Oliver Gardner travelled around Australia for two months that year with Jan putting his own spin on the term ‘idiot abroad’.

(Womersley) Throughout the trip he managed to lose his wallet, nearly crash the car three times, get us hopelessly lost with his map reading, failing to make it from platform to train and the final straw was after he had been bigging up this contact in Melbourne, he showed up and this bloke didn’t have a clue who he was and sent us packing.

(Priest) Millar on the other hand, turned down the big ‘lads holiday’ in favour of a couples trip around the same country with Tristan Sacks.

(Priest) I’m sure many of you are aware that Jan’s greatest passion, barring that for a Nigerian central midfielder, is his gambling. As we travelled around Australia we decided to try our luck in the Star City Casino, Jan struggled his way through the evening and had virtually no success before he had to drag himself away a disappointing 180 Australian dollars down. Having bizarrely claimed his loss was actually a good thing; he vowed never to return to a casino again. That vow lasted about as long as his stint at his first choice secondary school of Rencombe and he was back in the same casino three days later with a similar lack of success.

(Priest) A few weeks after Jan arrived at university, he proudly told us that he had reinvented himself but I’m afraid to say that this didn’t extend to his gambling. Despite having told me on many occasions how he can definitely guarantee profit and his numerous ploys to do so, he was ready to try these tactics out but sadly skycasino got the better of him and that was the last he saw of his student loan. Quite remarkably having acquired some emergency funds from his parents, he decided it would be a good idea to take the casino back on. And boy was he justified in doing so as he won it all back in a show of rare genius.

(Womersley) That’s about it us but one last thing is that Hector has asked us to warn anyone driving home tonight after a few drinks to beware of foxes on the roads of Sheepscombe as he doesn’t want any vehicles to go the same way as his first car.

Thank you very much.