Continued...

Several people slithered off before they should have done: firstly D dot Bollinger was seen snaking her way home quite early accompanied by H dot Lloyd dash Smith (Reports surfacing that perhaps D dot Hayward was advised to stay away because of H dot Lloyd dash Smith’s attendance, J dot Borkowski not wanting to have the two young ladies physically fighting over him). J dot Borkowski showing his juggling skills, learnt with a knife in hand are equally applicable to women as well. Another man to depart the evening early was our very own N dot Womersley. He left with two people, the ever slippery H dot Acland and young H dot Scott. H dot Scott a well known big fan of E dot Womersley, obviously decided she wanted to test the waters with another brother to get her name out there. After giving all the signals and even climbing into the bed of N dot Womersley she then promptly rejected the N dot Womersley advances. Controversial. Lessons needed from “top shagger” J dot Down. Leaving N dot Womersley at least with a warm nights sleep before having to drive the young lass back up to Sheepscombe in the morning. Blunderous. Reminiscent of J dot Dymoke's drive to outer Mongolia with a rotter last summer. A real shame that H dot Acland did not return with them, he would have relished the slippery conditions that had come to be at the Laurie Lee field.

Several others departed the site of debauchery before the sun rose, N dot Skelton deciding that the ground was not the best place in Sheepscombe to sleep that night. Waking up at chez Horder, he was informed by A dot Horder that there were several issues with the car - firstly its rather odd parking position and secondly the destruction of its tyre. The circumstances of the death of this tyre yet to be fully explained. J dot Hobbins and T dot Bloomfield made a very peculiar decision in the early hours. Taking a dislike to sleeping in the pavilion they exited the venue but rather than sleeping in any of number of houses in the village but would surely have been honoured to have them, they decided that it would be best to sleep in the car in a layby nearby - must have been a really good slot.

S dot Horder on the other hand thought it best to sleep the famously comfortable Laguna - his choded morphology surely leaving plenty of space for others in the back, but he didn’t have any guests. Perhaps this was because of the snack he had left on his car, rather than eat his hog roast sandwich he decided to leave it on the roof of his car - a crafty move, knowing he’d be craving a meal in the morning. Unfortunately he forgot about this when he woke up and drove off with it on top, this though wasn’t the disaster it could have been. A dot Horder made another surprising discovery in her driveway in the morning, the aforementioned sandwich was still there stuck to the top of the car. Shockingly reports are saying that the sandwich wasn't eaten after all.

The morning after people slowing began leaving the premises, some in a better state than others many fuelled by a K dot Borkowski bacon bap - which really was extraordinarily kind of her. K dot Borkowski ventured up in the morning, there was though a noticeable absentee. The night must have got the better of M dot Borkowski and he did not manage to attend the clean up session. Surprisingly poor work ethic for an Eastern European.

Soon after the start of the clear up, H dot Millar and J dot Borkowski made a disturbing discovery whilst checking Snapchat. With a weak excuse already, citing that a ‘Few things have popped up and it's a logistical night mare’ J dot Dymoke’s snapchat story revealed he had attended a festival instead. It would only be fair to say that J dot Borkowski lost his usually calm demeanour and struggled for a while to even begin to think straight. News of this traitorous betrayal was soon spread to the KOLO whatsapp, and J dot Dymoke - not for the first time is sadly no longer a member of that group. Will he make (another) comeback? Only time will tell. What really hasn’t helped the healing process is a continued silence from the offending parties corner. Refusing to answer Facebook messages, a worried H dot Millar has sent a Snapchat asking whether his Facebook messenger is still working only to be ignored on that format of communication as well. That surely can’t have stopped working as well? News of this kind of betrayal though has if anything strengthened the KOLO family who really do like to gang up on an individual, and its especially easy when said individual is no longer able to defend himself. As expected J dot Dymoke declined to comment on the matter.

Whilst many were nursing hangovers and preparing for an early nights sleep, others were gearing themselves up for another large one. The hosts this time were N dot and S dot Priest who had invited a certain bunch to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary, in an act that has been branded incredibly kind. Unfortunately H dot Millar was unable to make the beginning of this soiree - much to the disappointment of most of the punters.

The event was attended by many a Beaudesertian and parents of Beaudesertians past and present. Notable (and recognisable) attendees include M dot Brodermann Senior, J dot Robinson, S dot Knight amongst others - most of whom really did put in stellar performances. M dot Borkowski had managed to crawl out of bed for another night of frivolous looseness. He did though make a point of not utilising his array of dance moves, in an act that has been described as immensely selfish. K dot Borkowski after a night of partying and two days of hard work had unfortunately lost her voice, at this stage even with very few words to input she did still manage to contribute and interest everyone more than your C dot Lamports ever managed in her whole Beaudesert career. As well as Beaudesert folk there was a large Durham presence, in numbers but also paunch size. Pints were consumed.

Never before have I seen a man so utterly engrossed in a band as N dot Priest, his love for them was debatably greater than that of W dot Priest’s love of J dot O dot Mikel. Colossal. The music was being blasted out in a fashion that E dot Skinner would really not approve of. Another dancefloor torn to shreds by KOLO members W dot Priest, N dot Womersley, J dot Baker and H dot Millar. Noticeably J dot Borkowski was rather distracted all evening. The distraction coming from his phone, D dot Hayward needed attention. N dot Womersley and H dot Millar allegedly overheard scheming about how they would attempt to solve the ongoing mystery, planning a late night questioning almost as ferocious as KOLO’s drinking. Unfortunately though alcohol again had a vicious impact on H dot Millar’s memory and the case remains open.

Whilst the band took a quick break from their efforts, KOLO lead (as always) by H dot Millar decided in a very W dot Priest style to engage in a vicious campaign of social media self-promotion, this did though have some fantastic results. Whilst the social media guru himself was wavering on the point of not being aware of situation around him, the rest of the KOLO team gladly posed for several snaps.

Loyal KOLO players and fans will remember D dot Lloyd who made solid if solitary appearance for A Murder of Zidane’s Floor earlier in the season. Less loyal folks will require a reminder of his 7.4 rating and an assist for yet another H dot Millar goal. It would be fair to say, D dot Lloyd really was on form. A great example of this top notch performance was following the band’s exit, his attempt to dance on stage - his feet and brain were unfortunately on rather a different wavelength and he was less stable than a Libyan government. Annoyingly for all H dot Millar was filming the start of this dancing, but stopped before the fall occurred, a rare mistake from such a magnificent individual. Such a young age to start having a problem with finishing early as well.

Pints were consumed. H dot Millar whilst waiting for yet another pint to be served at the bar, struck up conversation with a fine old badger. This old badger later transpired to be Ferringo Senior, one could only say his children are real let down compared to this splendid chap. H dot Millar made such a fantastic impression on this particular badger that he was offered a job with him. In a turn of events less surprising than H dot Symes dash Thompson getting injured before a big game, H dot Millar’s memory has failed to recall the details of the job offered as well as the old badgers name as well. Make an effort.