Continued ...

Preparations began early on Sunday and lasted most of the day. The now legendary D dot Andrews led the organising party, with his famously exquisite style.

During the preparations H dot Millar was seen engaging in a long confabulation with D dot Davenport, what is really striking is the man's batting pedigree. This left H dot Millar shocked at his son's lack of on-the-field results and especially his lack of having the cut shot in the locker.

Everything was coming together nicely, and S dot Horder brought up the wood - which really was incredibly kind of him. This allowed M dot Borkowski - master in charge of fire for the evening, he did though later take on many other roles that night - to get cracking on the firepits, which really was extremely kind of him.

The first of the guests began to arrive, they were E dot Bishop and K dot MacIntosh. They were soon followed by a motley crew lead by H dot Coulthard, who recently joined a KOLO venture in Cheltenham and which he had thoroughly enjoyed. Quite rightly so.

With everything set up, including the enormous beast of creature that was the hog, we were just waiting on the rest of the guests as well as the bar to get cracking. A dot Lowe, who to his credit had just arrived back home after a fishing foray in Scotland, worried H dot Millar with some dubious texts that really questioned his loyalty. When told the event began at 7pm he informed H dot Millar that he did not intend to arrive for the aforementioned time as 'not everyone will arrive at 7' whilst being true this really isn't the sort of behaviour acceptable by a self-proclaimed clubman. This though was a minor incident compared to some of the badgery performed by other KOLO members, notably C dot Hart and J dot Dymoke who really embarrassed themselves and their families. J dot Hart and S dot Dymoke I'm sure will be having words with their sons over some of the their decisions. Lack of respect.

The number of guests was mounting but still the bar was not ready. C dot Saturley was really letting herself, the kind of personal embarrassment that you might expect from a F dot Grellier lid but not a seasoned pro C dot Saturley was masquerading as. Filth.

Finally the bar was ready, the fizz flowed, the guests were present and correct, the firepits were burning, W dot Priest was self-promoting, H dot Acland was sliming - a certain normality and calmness reigned.

K dot Millar hardly even half a glass of fizz down, was out searching for some answers. In an act that shows that H dot Millar very competent drinking ability really has come from experience rather than genes, K dot Millar marched over towards a group of young ladies, briefly introduced herself before diving in with "So who does Hector share his bed with?". Fortunately J dot Millar was able to extinguish the situation before it got any further, with the offending party physically escorted from the scene. Embarrassing.

Pints were consumed. The hog roast was served and went down almost as well as J dot Corbyn's success has with the Conservative Party. The party took on a very much festival ambience. And the merriment was hugely helped by the weather remaining dry, which really was very kind of it. Pints were consumed.

J dot Millar and M dot Borkowski then rallied the troops over towards the main marquee to begin the speeches. J dot Millar started them off, key topics were H dot Millar famous organising skills as well as certain embarrassing stories from H dot Millar's youth, in particular about a birthday list which J dot Borkowski struggled to stay on - H dot Acland did not make the list either, must have slipped off the bottom of it. Next came the infamous KOLO duo of W dot Priest and N dot Womersley. Intelligence reports had surfaced about the extent to which the allegedly 'underrated' W dot Priest had been affected by nerves. He did though manage not to show this and alongside defensive partner N dot Womersley delivered a very strong speech, that the punters hugely enjoyed. J dot Borkowski will be very glad a certain shitty Beaudesert incident was not mentioned. Both the hosts escaped relatively unharmed, much less sore than a certain disgraced young man who luckily (for him and some critics would say for all) was not present.

M dot Borkowski took to the stage next, and performed spectacularly. He began by confronting certain allegations that G dot Glitter was in fact J dot Borkowski's godfather, a vicious rumour started by perpetual serpent S dot Davenport. The great speech delving into all aspects of the young J dot Borkowski's life. The speech ended on a strong and emotional message, and as promised he managed to hold back the tears. Touch of class.

Just after the speeches R dot Bond arrived with his bird. Boldly asking J dot Borkowski beforehand that he required a plus one, intrigued by what kind of creature he would bring J dot Borkowski obliged. Still sporting a minger of a lid R dot Bond in his defence brought along a perfectly satisfactory lass. In possibly the most extraordinary sight witnessed since M dot Peters struck G dot Rose with a stone in Abergavenny, R dot Bond's bird had exactly the same lid as he did. Unbelievable scenes. His evening was made slightly less enjoyable by the constant mentioning of his detestable brother by K dot Borkowski, which any neutral would say is rather amusing. He though was not brought along and its moments like that where you do question whether a God does exist after all, as he really is a more atrocious individual than Jack the Ripper.

At this point M dot Radford took to the stage. He put in a performance that could only be rated as a 10. No doubt about that. A mixture of covers and some of his own stuff, hit the spot perfectly.

At one point his set was interrupted by the birthday girl L dot Williams. Heavily inebriated the young lass was loving life and took to the stage to join in the singing. To his credit M dot Radford welcomed this extra help on the stage. The happiness of L dot Williams did unfortunately take a bit of a nosedive when she realised one of her nipples had, in a very C dot Hart manner, slithered out of her top. By all accounts though she carried on admirably after putting the offending item back in place. The aforementioned body part, in quite a Raheem Sterling 'I want out' style, did slip out again later on however L dot Williams was no longer in a state to care.

L dot Williams continued to tear up the dancefloor, ably assisted by J dot Millar and M dot Borkowski. It was though M dot Borkowski who began to take centre stage. Obviously impressed with L dot Williams confidence, tenacity and attitude he proceeded to offer her a job. Details of this offer somewhat hazy as both parties memories are less existent than a J dot Dymoke appearance for KOLO this summer. M dot Borkowski now the centre of attention with all 15 or so people on the dancefloor around him, following each and every one of his moves, decides to pull out some of the most audacious moves seen in Sheepscombe since H dot Millar's Dilscoop 3 years ago on that very pitch. M dot Borkowski on the floor crawling in B dot Gomis manner. Incredible scenes.

These actions must have really taken it out of L dot Williams as she was next spotted taking a much needed nap in D dot Andrew's snug (not an innuendo). Next to fall by the wayside was M dot Horder, with the haybales apparently looking like the perfect place to rest up and recover. Rumours swirling that she still hasnt removed all the hay from her barnet. She was swiftly followed by M dot Borkowski who chose the tipi as the ideal spot for a snooze. ReMarkable (pun fully intended).

At this point things really turned sour for C dot Saturley and her absolute joke of a bar. Whilst planning to continue serving until 1am, she had got it horribly wrong and run out at 11pm. She had hugely underrated us. Awful form from her, she really has let herself down. This after insisting that the amout she brought would be enough. Misjudgements like this which really embarrass the female sex. Luckily for her, she made a swift exit before she embarrassed herself any further. When she returned the next day she decided not to bring her embarrassment of a son either, I mean really coming in here with a barnet like that he really has got no chance (Gaz 2014). Heinous.

T dot Sheridan proved his doubters wrong with a very impressive performance. With a questionable set of videos on YouTube, H dot Millar and J dot Borkowski were disturbed and distressed at the kind of tunes that would be blaring out. He did though a have one hater. E dot Skinner really didn't take too well to his music tastes. Commenting on a certain WhatsApp group that it was 'too much'. Such respect that E dot Skinner's garners was shown with the relatively swift turning down and eventually off of the music. P dot Risley dash Pritchard informed the aforementioned group of his surprise at this whole situation. Also telling us about the huge number of parties he's been too as well, that is really is impressive m8 tell us more. In one of the most unsurprising events since the French surrending in WW2 D dot Blakey was there, involved but unimpressive and when asked what he did he contribute? The only answer would be that he really is a nice chap and very committed.

This region really is where H dot Millar's memory does fade somewhat, recollections of a bolt off on J dot Hobbins and N dot Skelton's shoulders (which is really incredibly kind of them) are fleeting, and given the amount of moisture on my shirt in an O dot Bruce video it appears H dot Millar's bolting skills have not improved much over the summer. Room for improvement.

A variety of sources allege that things tailed off at about 4am. But H dot Millar could not confirm.